Being A Mother

(Photo from last Mother's Day)

Motherhood was never something I saw in my immediate future. My plan was to adopt in my late thirties, thinking I'd be this very independent gal who traveled all over the world touring (with a band) and never really had time to settle. So when I found myself married and pregnant in my early twenties, that future that I had envisioned since childhood suddenly broke into a million tiny pieces and floated away. But I was okay with that. I knew motherhood would open up a whole new world of possibilities.

I didn't realize that with becoming a mother, the identity I had always known, the person I had become, would suddenly disappear as soon as my screaming daughter was placed on my chest after a long and painful birth at home. The person I had grown accustomed to, who I had finally learned to accept and found comfort in, was suddenly a sleep-deprived, lactating, worried, anxious woman who now had an added appendage that was never there before. It took months to grow into my role as a mother. It wasn't love at first sight and there were many rough times before I could really settle into my new role. I often found myself longing for the person I was before.

But with all the evolving and adapting over the last 19 months, I will say that I wouldn't change a thing. The person I have become, who I have grown into and grown to love, is way more interesting, insightful, creative, loving, and compassionate than the person I was before. To have the honor of spending everyday with this marvelous, captivating, and amazing little person who has so much to offer the world, is a remarkable gift. I find great joy in being her mother and the gift of motherhood is something I will be forever thankful for.

I hope you enjoyed Mother's Day. See you around...

Comments

[Melissa!]

I didn't see Motherhood in my future either - I wanted to change the world, make it a better place. 13 years into Motherhood I know that I am making the world a better place :) Through my daughters I was shown what my role in this world is: to raise responsible, kind, respectable & generous human beings.

[Lisa]

I hear you and understand so well. I was going to do all these other great things and have a child "someday" but someday became my early twenties, too.

For all the changes it is great to know that the challenges life hands us can mold us into the best version of ourselves.

I hope you had a wonderful Mothers Day!

[Amy]

I can really relate to this post, though I've certainly never written so well about it.

Thanks for sharing, and happy mother's day.

[Caren]

Erin, thanks for sharing your thoughts on your mothering journey. I always thought I would have kids young (and I did) but even so, the experience has altered me beyond anything I could have anticipated. I just did a series of Mother's Day posts (including one on the revolutionary beginnings of MD) and would be honored if you'd take a look sometime! :)

[kirsten]

so lovely...i can relate to your feelings very much.

[Dawn]

Such a beautiful post...I completely understand what you're saying.

[Heather W]

such wonderful words for such deep feelings....

[Colleen]

What a wonderful post; I truly enjoy reading your words. Thank you.

[knitsational]

Bravo for your honesty! It definatley is no cake walk but they are so worth it.

[leslie]

what a beautiful post, honest and true. i didnt get the "mother instinct" until my first daughter was born either. i just felt like i was in a science experiment as i grew bigger and bigger, really not in control of anything. once she came out though, something just clicked and off we went. i felt true blue panic attacks at times and wondered what the heck i was doing, but somehow i got through it. i think when you have kids (even just one) you add layers to your life that run deeper than you ever though possible. 8 years later and two kids under my belt, i am still learning and evolving. thanks for this great post, made my morning!

[Cherry Tree Lane]

A heartfelt word from a true mother. Happy late mothers day to you!

[Kat]

I loved this post. I have only just discovered your blog and have to say that you are a heart warming inspirational read. I too struggled with motherhood and have only now (20 months on) started to find my feet. It's natural to lament the loss of our old selves and it takes a while to be really open enough to even look at who we might become if we embrace the changes rather than resist them and try to hang on to the old. Thank you for sharing.