I am continuously inspired by Meredith's writing. We are both going through very similar things and sometimes I am amazed by how her writing about her little one and the transitions they are going through, seem to be coming straight from my heart. She gets it, and that's so comforting. She's felt that mama bear start roaring. She's been at the bottom looking up, trying to catch some glimmer of light to hold on to. And she's done it. We are both doing it. Every day we wake up, hold our little ones a bit longer, give them a little more love, and try to protect their innocence another day.
I don't try to hide what's going in my life. It's a bit messy and I tend to share the positive things with you all. I've found complete and total happiness. It's deep down inside me, never to disappear. I can never lose it. I will always be able to go to that place where the littlest things can bring such joy to my days.
The little one has always brought me the greatest joy. I know her inside and out. I know when she's struggling. I know when she's thriving. When she's struggling, my whole world seems to stop. My mind becomes completely fixed on helping her. It must be that mama bear thing. And when I can't do anything, it only becomes stronger. And all I want to do is help her. I want to hold her and wipe away the pain and tell her "it's all going to be okay sweetie. Mama will make it better." And I try. Oh boy, do I try.
So you will have noticed my blogging has slowed down a bit. Our weeks are a bit crazy. Not having that consistent rhythm that is so essential to parenting can really be challenging. It's exhausting, and I can only imagine what it is like for a two year old!
But this week has been a bit better. That sparkle in her eyes returned a little sooner than usual, she is all cuddles and kisses, requesting shoulder rides and trips around the neighborhood on her tricycle. My baby is back. And it feels so good. Meredith's post "how to have a beautiful day" really resonated with me this particular week. We had one of those days today, and yesterday too! I felt myself reaching for my camera more to capture that smile on her face, saying more than once to myself, "this is so lovely", and just feeling grateful for it all.
I'm grateful for the giggles in the bathtub this morning; the big, sticky kiss on my cheek at breakfast; the impromptu hugs throughout the day; a walk around the neighborhood while the little one pedals her tricycle; the stops to taste the sap from the maple trees up the street; the homemade pizza we enjoyed for dinner after saying our blessing holding hands and lighting our special candle; the dozens of books we read all curled up on the couch together; the 40 or so pictures the little one took with the camera remote of the three of us; singing her bedtime songs while she repeatedly interrupted to whisper, "mama, I loooove you."
Seriously, it doesn't get any more beautiful than that. And no matter how messy life gets, I will always have these things to hold onto. I could not be any more thankful for my life and what I have right now, in this moment. I want to always see the beauty in people and the world, like I have my entire life. And when I am strong, I know in my heart that no one will ever be able to take that away from me.
Thank you for all being here. Thank you for your kind, supportive words. On those days when it's hard to pick myself up, one sweet, simple comment I receive in my inbox can turn it all around. And I hope you all realize how amazingly grateful I am for you.
