So, here I am again...making excuses for my absence and lack of presence. The truth about it all?! Well, juggling a little one going back and forth between two households, and adding in her schooling...well, it leaves us with not much.
I've tried to keep most of this out of my space here, but the reality of it is that it's hard. It's hard on everyone. As it is now, she left Saturday morning and I won't see her again until Thursday afternoon. Then I rush her to her violin lesson upon pickup from school, then it's home for dinner, then it's bath time, then it's bed. And that's pretty much how our days go. They fly by without time for thinking about anything other than just getting through the day.
As a mama, I struggle with having this energy and desire to be with her, create with her, teach her about the world, show her how gentle life can be, slow down and breathe with her, focus on being together and enjoying those simple things about daily life that we have for 5 years now. But really? There isn't much time for that. Not at all. She comes and goes so quickly, I often feel like I have 5 minutes with her. The days pass quickly. The weeks pass by even faster. The months? Well, I blink and those are gone too.
What am I left with? I'm left with just making it through the day with her and her school life, social life, and all the normal challenges of just being five. And then, on the days we actually have time together, we try to squeeze in a special picnic or hike or trip to the beach or visit with friends, but now even that is all feeling like just too much. Which is really sad. Because what does that really leave a family with?
St. Nicholas Day passed us by while she was at her Papa's house. We made it up for her this weekend. The start of Advent passed by even faster, and trying to keep track of an Advent calendar when she is only here for such a short time seems impossible. Traditions are hard. The magical things we like to do as a family for her and create for her seem so challenging now.
This space feels as empty as I do. I have my business, our busy social life, activities, wonderful alone time with Sasa, and so much more to keep me full. And it does. But there is that intention and awareness we've always had in our lives that really focuses on the little one. And without her, there is a kind of grief for something that once was...and for how childhood should be.
So that's where I am, my friends. Just feeling like all I can do with her absence is focus on myself. Personally, I feel a growth taking place. A magical wonderful growth that I am proud of and so ready for. But there is also a reluctant move away from something that has been for so long, and that we truly miss and aren't ready to be done with.
I'm sure this sounds more dramatic than it all is. I just felt I owed you all an explanation. I am pretty busy over here and here. So I'm not far...
And there will be some giveaways coming up! So don't miss those!! Check in tomorrow...
And, as always, thanks so much for being here. Your support is always exactly what is needed. xo.
