i feel like the real erin has been a little absent lately. you know...the one who checks in and writes what's in her heart. that one.
and really, i've been meaning to, but life is moving by at such a fast pace that i haven't even had a chance to catch up. photos, recaps, simple words, and quirky little bits are all i've been able to really put together. and i've been enjoying them, but sometimes you just need something really genuine.
a couple of nights ago i was laying in bed thinking about where i am, where i've been, how i got here and what's next. making it happen is always in my mind. there's a lot i need to make happen this year. working hard to make ends meet, being prepared for the unexpected, continuing my own personal work, following my heart, manifesting the life we strive to live...it's continuous effort and work and requires mindfulness daily. but it's something that makes life worth living. it's the reason i am excited to get out of bed in the morning, full steam ahead.
i'm a hard worker. seriously hard. i'm the last one to give up. i push through my work like it's nobody's business. i'm always looking for more, a way to do things better, a way to become stronger, wiser, and more capable. a way to be a better individual, lover, mother, friend, sister, daughter. because i believe if we ever settle for what is now, we never will find out what comes next. and what comes next is usually better. there is always something to learn, so bring it on. growth is essential to happiness.
i tend to play things safe. something that i feel has held me back. i dream big, but when it comes to taking risks, i tend to think in my libra-ish ways and sometimes end up talking myself out of it. but then there's him. he ever so gently nudges me into the unknown, with full faith and encouragement. like i am capable of anything. so i leap. i release my firm grasp and just go, into the unknown. the scary. that hazy gap between what we know and what we'd like to know, where we find out just what it takes to get there. and his hand is there for me to hold if i need it, but you know what? i dig my heels into the ground, wipe the sweat from my brow, and say thanks, but no thanks. i can do it myself. because that way i will learn.
he tells me i'm stubborn, but in a good way. i am. for better or worse, it's usually what pushes me ahead even when i think i should have given up long ago.
but you know what? if i had given up throughout my life, i would not be here. and here is pretty darn good.
despite all the leaping, i'm more grounded than i've ever been in my entire life. i'm me. plain and simple. and he's there, always, with a smile on his face and an, "i told you you could do it."
and he's right. i can.