(photos from a very windy beach trip the day before our wedding)
oh, where to start? change. yup, there's been a lot. our wedding was wonderful and unbelievably perfect thanks to some talented friends of ours. full of so much love it almost made my heart burst. i kept it off this space because it felt almost sacred. like just for us. it wasn't intentional, just a choice i made unconciously, but for good reason i suppose.
i fully intended to shut this blog down after our big day. things are changing, life is moving forward in almost a fast forward motion and it's hard to keep up with all of the wonderfulness. i remain authentic and genuine in this space, but i suppose i have felt limited because, really...90% of our life is, well, for us. not for here, not for anyone but our family of three.
somehow, after many ups and downs and navigating through some pretty tough times, i have come out on top. i have cultivated the life i have always wanted. i am happy, content, grateful, fortunate, successful, and loved. i marvel at my life and a moment never goes by without being grateful for everything.
i started this space seven years ago. i am now 30 years old, not 23. you must all know that your 20's are a time of great growth. you set the foundation for the rest of your life in your 20's. a very small portion of my life's journey has been documented here; the ups and downs and shifts and changes. i have lost readers and gained others. and if anyone thinks that i should be the same person i was when i was 23, well...you are reading the wrong blog and getting to know the wrong person. i am all about growth. i live my life with courage and am not afraid to jump in and learn from it. when i am 40, i will be completely different from the 30 year old me. it's just how i roll; i'm only interested in evolving.
i am not bluebirdbaby anymore. i outgrew that long ago and knew it. this space has been a gift and has nurtured me, supported me, i've met many incredible people because of it, but i have never wanted to turn it into something insincere. i post pictures because i am a photographer. i post pictures because i love shooting and it's what i do. i write a little here and there because sometimes i have thoughts worth sharing. but my life is not full of struggle and heartache and bad days right now. and it's also not full of epiphanies and larger than life moments either. it's just normal. for the first time in my life i am just happy and content, and things are mellow and easy.
so that comes down to a pretty mundane space here. or what i think it has transformed into for anybody reading. i do this for YOU. not me anymore. i do it because i have had countless people write me thanking me, or saying i've even saved their lives. and that is an amazing thing that pushes me to keep going. but going towards what?
for a few months now i had full intentions of blogging about our wedding, with a big ol' goodbye and thank you for your support. i mean, one can only blog for so long...right?! so i told the little one, and her response? near tears with a "oh please don't mama! i LOVE bluebirdbaby!" hmmm...ok. rethink. reevaluate. what do i want? what do i need?
and then i thought of you all. what do you want? what do you need? i have a lot to give, i really do. but maybe it's not what you want. so then why would i be doing it in the first place?
i guess this is like giving YOU the power to decide which direction this space heads. quit it? change it? keep going as is (which seems just not what any of us need)?
i am not perfect, nor do i need my life to "appear" that way either (which was never my intention). i am not afraid of being different or stepping outside the box, or being that blogger that, well...just put it all out there for better or worse. i never presume to know what it's like to walk in somebody else's shoes, i do not judge, i live out of kindness and acceptance. that's me and how i've always been.
so what will it be? i'm letting go of everything. it's up to you.