Bluebirdbaby

Being A Mother

(Photo from last Mother's Day)

Motherhood was never something I saw in my immediate future. My plan was to adopt in my late thirties, thinking I'd be this very independent gal who traveled all over the world touring (with a band) and never really had time to settle. So when I found myself married and pregnant in my early twenties, that future that I had envisioned since childhood suddenly broke into a million tiny pieces and floated away. But I was okay with that. I knew motherhood would open up a whole new world of possibilities.

I didn't realize that with becoming a mother, the identity I had always known, the person I had become, would suddenly disappear as soon as my screaming daughter was placed on my chest after a long and painful birth at home. The person I had grown accustomed to, who I had finally learned to accept and found comfort in, was suddenly a sleep-deprived, lactating, worried, anxious woman who now had an added appendage that was never there before. It took months to grow into my role as a mother. It wasn't love at first sight and there were many rough times before I could really settle into my new role. I often found myself longing for the person I was before.

But with all the evolving and adapting over the last 19 months, I will say that I wouldn't change a thing. The person I have become, who I have grown into and grown to love, is way more interesting, insightful, creative, loving, and compassionate than the person I was before. To have the honor of spending everyday with this marvelous, captivating, and amazing little person who has so much to offer the world, is a remarkable gift. I find great joy in being her mother and the gift of motherhood is something I will be forever thankful for.

I hope you enjoyed Mother's Day. See you around...

Rainy Day Play

Dress-up

Saving my many dance costumes from years and years of ballet and tap proved to be a very good choice. While Papa worked away on taxes over the weekend, the little one and I had fun trying on old tap  and ballet shoes (my ballet flats from 3rd grade still fit), and of course the many tutus and sequined leotards (which no longer fit me, thank goodness).

Waldorf-Inspired and Parenting

This post is a hodgepodge of thoughts. I do not tend to get mushy and sentimental, so this is a side of me you may not hear often. I wrote this late last night, finished typing and thought "oh my...this is really too much." I thought about going back and editing it all, summarizing this very long post into a single paragraph. But then I realized that sometimes the raw emotions of a particular moment can really bring words to life. So I left this post untouched, just as it was when I wrote it curled up on the couch last night.

There's been a lot of talk about Waldorf education around here. A few weeks ago I joined the steering committee for a future Waldorf-inspired preschool cooperative. I first read about Rudolph Steiner when I became pregnant. The Waldorf idea intrigued me and I quickly wanted to learn more. I'm usually not keen on labels. I feel they are too restrictive, but most of the Waldorf theories connect with me on a deep level. It may not be for everyone, but for our family, it fits the bill. Shortly after joining the steering committee, I purchased the book Over the Rainbow Bridge and finished it in record time. I found it to be a very basic and gentle introduction to Waldorf education, parenting, and home life.

As the little one gets older, I find ourselves adopting a certain rhythm in our days. Our routine is not always the same each day, but lunch and nap time often ground us after a hectic morning. Some days I find myself waking up with that dreaded "how will we ever pass the time today?" feeling. This book talks about the importance of rhythm and how establishing certain days for specific activities can help a child develop a sense of time. So we made the chart you see above. Each day is designated for a certain activity such as wash day, baking day, soup day, painting day, hiking day, etc. A child doesn't really grasp the concept of "today is Monday", and are most likely to understand when you say "today is baking day." It eliminates the stress for me to fill our days with activities, and a comforting reminder that we'll have a familiar routine we can sink into week after week.

Yesterday we managed a challenging gluten-free bread recipe and even put a pot of homemade chicken soup on the table for supper. Just a few of weeks ago, I never thought I could do this with a whining toddler at my ankles. But I realized I have a little helper, and if I actually let her help, it can go pretty smoothly. I will admit, I'm really looking forward to next "baking" day.

Since my post about mindful parenting, I have really been working on being present. Every second of every day. When I'm playing with her, I am just playing with her. I'm not thinking of the dirty dishes, the diapers waiting to be washed, or the e-mails waiting to be read. I try to be patient, even in the midst of those toddler tantrums. I admit, patience is not one of my strongest suits. But it's getting better. Instead of playing with her when she's acting clingy, we do housework: cooking, baking, cleaning, laundry, sorting toys, and sweeping (her favorite). Sure, she slows a normally quick task down, but she's engaged in an activity, having fun, and learning at the same time. All the while right by my side, instead of clinging to my legs.

I've limited my computer time to be fully present. I am no longer on the computer when she is awake. I don't want her to think the computer is more important than she is. So much of my time can be sucked away with scouring the internet for information, and although I do learn a lot, I should be learning by doing. Our television (no actual channels come in here, but we do watch Netflix after she goes to bed certain nights) will be moved to the loft, so it will no longer be the focal point of our living room. Stephen and I are limiting our screen time to one or two nights a week, and are taking up reading and playing board games instead. If we don't want her watching television, why should we?

I want her to have a rich experience in her early years. I want her to feel connected with the natural world around her. We're planning on ducks and chickens this spring, and possibly goats this summer. I want her to know where her food comes from, how much effort it takes to grow the vegetables we put on our table. I want her to get to know the wonderful community of people in this area and how lucky we are to recognize at least a handful of people whenever we go into town. She lights up when we see their smiling faces and hands waving a cheery "hello."

The preschool cooperative has been an amazing resource for me. I feel very lucky to be part of the team organizing the future of the school. It has pushed me to learn more about Waldorf, which in turn has pushed me to be more present in mothering. It has made me even more grateful for the joys and challenges of raising a child, and the fulfillment motherhood has brought to my life.

Painting

With the daylight lasting well into the evening, and a little someone's naps getting mysteriously shorter and shorter, I've tried to come up with new activities to do together. Of course, she'd be content to read all day long, the same books over and over, but mama is looking for a new activity. Crayons get thrown on the floor and stomped on until they crumble to bits, I don't even want to think about finger painting, and although she does like to run around with mama's Sharpies, I was thinking something a little more gentle and not quite as permanent.

So our first adventure in painting with watercolors took place two days ago and it was a big hit. We set up a little table by the window so we could watch the birds while painting and got to work.

The concentration on her face made me realize how old she's getting and how she develops new skills in a matter of hours. It's quite amazing to watch. After a good deal of time painting with the brushes, she eventually switched to watercolor finger painting. It worked ... actually better than the brushes did. Always willing to experiment and test the limits, she is.

As I was cleaning up I heard some crinkling behind me. I turned around to find her sitting on her first completed painting and tearing it to pieces while giggling. I quickly grabbed the other drying paper and tacked it to our bedroom wall. Now before bed and nap time she points excitedly to the painting and smiles proudly. She made something.

Thank you for all your comments and advice on yesterday's post. No, I'm not pregnant and had a good laugh at those suggestions! I'm cutting out orange juice again for a longer time to see if that helps. And tomorrow will be a long overdue crafting post!

Play

Our wooden animals arrived yesterday and the little one was completely engrossed in play. It got me thinking about one of the most challenging parts of being a stay at home mom: having a very needy and demanding little one. A friend and I were recently talking about the amount of self-engaged play you should expect out of a 16-month-old. The little one is sorely lacking in this area. She's demanded my constant attention since day one (well, don't all newborns?) and I have been waiting for a gradual shift of imaginative play on her own. But she still needs my attention at all times.

There are days I put her to bed and still think I can feel those little hands pulling at my legs, or hear that distinct whine that lets me know my time washing the dishes, reading a book, or checking e-mail will soon be over. I've been told to ignore it, to let her figure out ways of entertaining herself, but the whining never ceases when I do this and instead picks up in intensity. I always give in and drop whatever I'm doing to sit on the floor amidst the toys, or plop on the couch with a favorite board book. As long as I'm sitting there doing absolutely nothing but watching her, she will play.

It's recently occurred to me that I spend almost the entire day trying to find time for myself; trying to get her to play on her own. That means whenever I sit down with her I am only thinking, "how long will I have to do this before I can get up and finish those dishes?" I am so fixed on her entertaining herself for more than a couple of minutes that I end up not enjoying the play time we have together.

Those seconds of playing with her new wooden figures yesterday quickly turned into minutes, then a half hour went by and I realized she was running around creating little stories about the animals. She was kissing them, making them "dance" on the floor, feeding them her snacks, tucking them under covers for a nap, and well, entertaining herself for a very good length of time. Is it the toys? Do the toys she has not inspire any self-engaged play? Or is it a developmental leap because she's getting older?

I suppose it doesn't matter. I was just beyond thrilled to see her interacting with her imagination. I think mindful parenting is something that comes and goes in my life as a mother. I seem to be able to "live in the moment" when I am not stressed or too busy. But isn't that when we need it most? For much of the day my head is either in the past or future. I need to be here: living each second as if it's the last I'll ever have. It really seems so silly to just tell yourself that e-mails can wait, dishes can stay dirty, who cares if I actually finish a book in the next year, and to just be in the here and now with my daughter. Because who really wants to look back and remember they spent their child's first years worrying about a messy house? Not me, that's for sure.

So here's to living in the moment. What could be a better challenge in the midst of a very cold and snowy winter?!

How to keep a toddler happy when you're sick

Thank you for all your well wishes. I am feeling a bit better. Perhaps it was a 24-hour flu? One of the hardest things about being sick and a stay at home mama is figuring out how to entertain a very active toddler when I can hardly move.

So what captured her attention for at least ten minutes? Washing her dishes after lunch.

Drinking water from the faucet.

Filling cups of water. (And then dumping the water on the floor.)

Even though she was completely soaked by the end of it, she was happy and self-engaged. The best part was mama got a ten minute rest before having to clean up a dripping toddler and puddles on the floor.

Just Like Us

I think one of the most amusing things about having a little one is the imitating that goes on. She watches us ever so carefully, during times when we think her attention is elsewhere, and then surprises us by doing the exact thing we were doing minutes ago. Yesterday I turned around from my pancake making activities to find her reading the paper. Her face, the pose, everything about this just made me want to laugh and cry in the same moment.

She has this imitation down to a "T." Complete with reading out loud and turning the pages. She points to pictures and reads the captions underneath. She puts the paper down and sighs, picking up her mug of water, and then goes right back to reading. Obviously the pancake making activities were put to a halt and I ran to get the camera. Oh, these are the moments I hope to never forget.

Due to the carbon monoxide fiasco, we had the pleasure of getting to know a lovely neighbor. While at her house with the little one we not only discovered she collects buttons, but that she also adores thrifting. She graciously gave me a bag of vintage buttons (and another bag made its way home yesterday) and we made a date to go thrifting at two of our favorite local spots.

So on Tuesday we headed out for a little thrifting fun. I finally (after months of searching) found a chenille bedspread in absolutely perfect condition. The price tag couldn't have been better either. It's all washed and ready to go on the bed. I'm anxiously awaiting our next trip already...

A New Year

It feels as though ages have passed since I sat down to write for you all. Holidays can really keep a person busy (as well as other secretive projects going on...) and although I've managed to turn out a few picture heavy posts, my head is near explosion with the amount of ideas and inspiration spinning around. I know it will take me a few days to get back into the groove, and what better time to start than the first day of the new year?

Yesterday, after finally finishing that big "secretive project" I've been hinting at, I had a moment to stop and breathe. These past two weeks (okay, really it's been two months) have seemed like a race to a finish line that was barely visible. Now it's been crossed and it feels better than I imagined. Expect a nice, long post about this big project on Wednesday. Sorry to keep you waiting, but trust me, it's worth it.

When I finally had the chance to breathe, it seemed only fitting to do that breathing in the great outdoors; where each inhale of the cold winter air refreshes my body and spirit. Jack Frost has been no stranger around these parts. Another eight inches added to the already snow covered ground.

I strapped on my snow shoes just to get the mail. I was under the impression that snow shoes helped keep your feet dry and made trudging through the thick blanket of snow a little easier. My only thought was "I must be doing something wrong."

My constant companion bounded through the snow with ease. My only defense is he has four legs, while I only have two. That must make it easier somehow.

Although the garden is covered, little bits of dormant plants peek above the snow, waiting for spring and a chance for new life.

While I much prefer the cold, crisp air of winter to the humid air of summer, I look at these photos and remember that not too long ago the scene was so very different. And yes, those are my knees being covered by snow. I was frantically trying to get the following picture before it was too late:

The winter sun, blaring orange and setting below the hill. Beautiful. The last sunset of 2007.

Happy New Year!

Outside Again

The weather here has been just lovely this past week. Periods of clouds that seem to dissipate as the days wear on, followed by the lovely sun and its warmth. I've discovered that the little one dislikes mittens. You see, mittens tend to stifle her normal "collecting activities" (acorns, pine cones, and lately the ice sheets on top of puddles) and she either wants to go in right away or makes it loud and clear that the mittens MUST COME OFF! So I have been thankful that the thermometer has been reaching a high 50 degrees (late November in Maine?!) and mittens are not required.

We do, however, have to wear the cute little hat the talented Grace sent us. I'm surprised she is content with keeping it on her head and I laugh every time she smiles as I tie the strings underneath her chin.

The back is my favorite part. That little point at the top? Lovely.

Her new thing is throwing the dog his ball. She usually finds it sitting in a puddle, all wet and covered in slobber. Shall I mention she usually tastes it before throwing it?!

And here she is trying to get Macaulay's attention. He wasn't entirely enthused by her game.

Of course, we check the mail. She has to get it herself (with a little hoist from mama) and carry it all the way back to the house.

Lately there have been puddles everywhere. If she didn't have such tiny feet, I'd get her some rain boots. They'd come in very handy around here. I once told her "no" when she tried to step in a deep puddle with her only pair of shoes on, and being the determined little thing she is, puddles have become like gold to her. So I stay out of it and let her at 'em.

And with all the interesting things to climb on, a little help from mama is always needed.

*I'm headed an hour west later today to look at sewing machines; both new and used. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated!!*

A Morning To Myself

It's becoming a rare treat to have a morning to myself. With all of the house projects and winterizing activities going on, I am with the little one seven days a week. But Saturday I was delighted to do a little shopping on my own, complete with a stop at a fabulous flea market. I always feel a tinge of guilt walking out the door, while the little one stands bewildered holding her arms out so I will take her with me. She doesn't quite get that mama can leave without her. But she's much too independent and soon forgets I'm even gone. Still, I usually rush through my errands, ignoring the fact that I need moments away from her to be a better mama.

But on this trip, I enjoyed every moment. I walked up and down the aisles, visiting the same booths over and over again to stare at the wonderful vintage treasures I longed to take home with me. I think I picked up the same bowl at least four times on my trips around the vast building, staring at its lovely sea-green color, debating whether it should join the others on the shelf in my kitchen. This basket and the vintage linens and fabric scraps inside were a find at a local thrift store I stopped at first. 

This apron? A deal for sure, and can I say how fun it was to make pancakes the next morning wearing it? Why don't more people wear aprons? They're fabulous!

This apron's rick-rack was hand sewn. I love turning it over and looking at the not-quite-perfect zigzag stitching on the back. There is something so meditative and rewarding about sewing by hand. I must do more of it.

And I was completely overjoyed to find this bit of vintage fabric. I love it.

I was happy to take my time that morning. I completely let go of all the guilt and just told myself to "be in the moment." I stopped to get a latte, pulled off the road to visit any antique shop that I pleased and really enjoyed having the time to myself. When I got back home I was ready for another week of parenting. I was more centered and able to be fully present for the little one. All of the goodies I came home with? A nice bonus, that's all.

Giving Thanks

I'm grateful for little moments of quiet play,

a package from a friend containing the most beautiful hat I've ever seen,

a cozy fire on a chilly night,

a gluten-free pumpkin pie,

and Stephen remembering dish soap (we've been out for two days!) so I could finally tackle all the dishes. Ah, there's nothing like baking in a clean kitchen.

And I'm most certainly grateful for all of you; for those of you who take the time out of your days to stop by and say hello. Here's wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving, from our family to yours.

We Love Books

*I am so thrilled by the enthusiastic responses to yesterday's post. I'm very interested to see what you all come up with, so if you do find that perfect thrifted sheet and decide to do something with it, let me know-I'd love to see it!*

A good deal of our day is spent reading. I started reading to Elisabeth when she was three weeks old. For months it was one of the only ways to stop the incessant crying. She had her favorites back then; those books that really caught her attention, even during the midst of doctors poking and prodding and the long car drives down to the big city.

We keep a basket handy of books to get through the week. It sits in the living room near the rest of her toys. There are pillows to plop on for a good read and snacks always nearby. Sometimes she can get absorbed in a book for about fifteen minutes, which is saying a lot considering she never seems to slow down for anything else; not even food.

We're still mostly into board books because she does like to flip the pages herself and tends to lug the books around with her everywhere, so traditional paper pages just don't hold up. However, we are now into reading longer stories so our biweekly trips to the library result in a bag full of books mama is very excited to get reading.

The rest of her books are kept in her room. We rotate the selection in the smaller basket each week. Most of the books come from thrift shops and the secondhand bookstore in town. Our local bookstore carries a wonderful selection of children's books and I've had my eye on Elsa Beskow's books for weeks now.

Most of the day, our reading time is spontaneous. She grabs a book, comes over and puts it in my lap while signing the word for "more" (like the above photo) and saying "please" ("peeee!"). We sit, read, and repeat the process until we've gone through at least five books.

Most of the time it's mama who needs a break from the reading. There's only so many times I can read about saying goodnight to a moon in one day. But I have to smile when she insists on reading the same book I loved as a child over and over again. The same old, well-loved, taped together copy I had at her age.

But I really enjoy our reading time together.  It's the only (and I mean only) time of the day when she is contently sitting and not struggling to get out of my lap. She is one busy little lady, and I am so thankful for her love of books and the time it allows us to spend together.

We're always on the lookout for more great books. Please, leave a comment and let us know some of your favorites.

I Love the Great Outdoors

We spend the middle part of our days outside exploring the eight acres that surround our house. The little one is always excited to get going. She insists on walking herself, motioning for me to put her down after I open the door. These days we are always greeted by a blast of chilly air, which for a moment makes me question our decision to venture out instead of curling up on the couch with a cup of cocoa. But the little one will not be stopped.

We have our little rituals: stopping to scoop up rocks on the path (while I keep them from going into her mouth), touching the garden lights, saying "hello" to our car, trying to find the dog, and then we finally get to exploring.

On this particularly chilly day, we had a mission. We wanted to find some objects to bring inside for our winter nature table. Yes, it's getting to be that time. Winter. Brrrr. I actually smelled snow the other day. It always comes sooner than we ever expect it to. So before that white blanket covers the earth, we decided to find a few things first. Her little basket is always with us on our walks. She never lets go of it.  She does allow mama to plop a few goodies in there too, but mostly she decides.

Then we come inside, warm up with a hot drink and look at our treasures.  She pulls each one out with more excitement than when she put it in. I'll miss these days come winter. For now I just take comfort in the fact that these objects will remind us of the walks we took, the things that made her smile, and the fun we had, all winter long.

A Walk In the Woods

I used to love to hike. I would get out of work, pick up the dog and head to my favorite winter hiking spot. We would hike through a foot of snow, the only ones on the mountain. No footprints or tracks; we made our own. It was so peaceful and I found it especially refreshing to breathe in the cold mountain air while my body warmed up under layers of wool. The dog would bound merrily down the trail, stopping every 100 feet or so to wait for me.

Sadly, I eventually got too caught up in life and the busyness it entails. I stopped going to my favorite mountain and instead traded it in for the convenient, albeit hectic, streets I would run daily just outside our door. But since having a child, I seem to want to connect with nature more. I want to get back to hiking, walking trails, taking picnics by the lake, burying my toes in the sand at the beach and generally just slowing down a bit, using the outdoors as my starting point.

So Sunday we took a family day and headed to Dodge Point, a short drive from our house with easy trails that navigate around a pond and open up to the gorgeous Damariscotta River. The little one had never been on a trail before and she was rather excited to get going. If she actually would have stayed on the trail, I'm sure she would have walked a good part of it. However, the woods proved to be more exciting to her, so in the Ergo she went!

I told Stephen that he better take some pictures of me for the family album. Elisabeth is going to think her mama never existed because I'm always the one behind the camera.

So, being the natural model I am (insert loud laughing here), I posed in the only position I could think of after a marathon viewing of the Austin Powers movies...just like Dr. Evil.

We collected some things to bring back with us for the winter nature table. I love these little pine cones. We can only find the long, skinny pine cones on our property, so I was so pleased to discover the short, round ones.

Elisabeth was beyond thrilled when we came to the Damariscotta River. She actually tried to go swimming on that cold, windy day. Papa stopped her, thank goodness. There was a great deal of sitting in mud though.

And for the first time since she was 5 months old, she fell asleep in the carrier. It was so sweet. I had tears in my eyes thinking this could very well be the last time it happens. 

I'm sure there will be plenty of outdoor time this weekend for us, and I only hope yours will include some too! Enjoy your weekend!

Spirited Little Ones

I feel as though my posting about Elisabeth has been a little lax, so grab a cup of tea and a cookie...this one might be a doozy.

From the first day of Elisabeth's life, I knew she was different. She's intense, smart, high energy, curious, mischievous, outgoing, extroverted, determined, fearless and always on the go. She came out wanting to run and I swear is continually frustrated by the things she can't yet do.

When she walked at 10 months, you could physically see some of that frustration melting away. The more abilities she gains, the happier she is. She has never sat still (even when she couldn't crawl yet), never wanted to be held in a position that is relaxing or left alone for some quiet time. She doesn't cuddle and would rather only be held if there is something interesting for her to see at the grown-up level. When she gets hurt, she cries for a second, brushes herself off and goes right back to doing what got her hurt in the first place. She is the most determined little thing I have ever seen.

There mere mention of the word "no" sends her into a completely single minded state, where she can think of nothing else but doing the forbidden activity, or wanting that banished object. She spends most of our indoor time trying to get into the toilet or reaching for the disgusting brush behind it. Or what about the diaper pail? Yes, she thinks that's the most interesting thing of all. Electrical cords on the floor or outlets? Yes please! And shall we even mention the objects that go into her mouth while looking straight at me with those sly eyes? Pebbles, rocks, sand, dirt, grass, leaves, paper, buttons, dust balls, dog hair...you name it, she's tried it.

I used to wonder why she was so different. A lot of her "spiritedness" as a younger baby was caused by her lack of sleep. A newborn awake for 10 hours straight? No, it couldn't be, could it?! But once we got her sleeping better that spiritedness started working for her, instead of against her. (In this picture she is three weeks old and was alert like this pretty much all the time.)

Raising a spirited little one is exhausting work. Raising any child is a lot of work and every parenting adventure isn't without its challenges.  I've had so many older mothers come up to me while we are out and about and say, "She's different, I can tell. I had one too. Good luck to you." I can't even tell you how many times I've heard this. And I've spotted other little ones out there too with that same spirited quality that Elisabeth holds, all you have to do is look into their eyes.

She wants to swing high, run fast, climb stairs bigger than she, ride her bike at lightning speed, jump off any object she can climb, stand in her chair instead of sit, shout instead of talk with an "indoor voice", play with the big kids and, well, generally do everything more intensely. She throws herself down slides without first checking to see if mama is at the end to catch her. She will hurdle down stairs half as high as she without holding onto anything.

She trips, she falls, she stumbles and she gets right back up with more determination than before. She prefers cinnamon on her toast, garlic hummus instead of plain, pesto on her pasta, olive oil on her rice and garlic on her broccoli. She wants to hold her own spoon, turn her own pages, pick out her own clothes, put on her own socks and shoes, and I think if she could figure it out, she'd change her own diaper.

All of these qualities make for one extremely intense and spirited individual. There's no stopping her. I can't wait to see what the coming years will bring. What activities will she want to excel at or what will capture her interest? (Sky diving is my guess.) What she will be when she grows up? For now, we watch this determined little thing and know for a fact that she will be capable of so many things. Who knows... maybe she'll even change the world.

Happiness

Before becoming a mother, I often did things that provided my life with a healthy dose of happiness: dinner with friends, a trip to Videoport in town for a movie, the ferry ride home, hiking, drinking Monte Antico with a side of Green and Blacks, and my favorite...performing in front of hundreds of people. But I never thought of these things as the moments in life that fill me with joy. I never really acknowledged that fact until I became a mother. Now there is no time for most of these. I certainly haven't performed in front of hundreds of people lately and Videoport is a long ways away now.

When you spend all day with a little person who can't communicate her needs very well, wakes up very early (yawn) and proceeds to drain every last ounce of energy from your body in the first two hours of the day, sometimes happiness seems a long way off. In the past I found it hard to think about anything positive when my life seemed so full of negatives. But now, the little things that would have gone unnoticed are getting attention and are filling that happiness hole left when this new motherhood adventure started.

A new sweater paired with my favorite orange shirt.

Watching the completely fearless little one climb on anything she can find.

A dreary October day that really makes you appreciate the amazing color of the trees.

A special order that just arrived at our local bookstore. I've already made it through a few chapters and feel like I could have written it myself.

An easy, but oh so tasty, supper. (Rice pasta, pesto, sheep's cheese and broccoli.)

Working on a gift for someone special.

May you find happiness in the little things today...

An Escape

My sewing area is technically in the dining room. I have a little table in the corner with my serger and sewing machine, and a smaller table next to it with my laptop and printer. (I've decided that having my laptop right next to the sewing machine is NOT a good idea. I get distracted very easily...) No, you won't be seeing photos because it is a setup I am not proud of. It's messy, and I am not usually a messy person. A rainbow of thread covers the floor, there are toys (like the above) around my desk and bits of Elisabeth's favorite Deland bread she discarded earlier crunching under my feet. My basket full of trim and elastic is on the verge of exploding and somehow I've still managed to find a spot to unload all of my acrylics and brushes.

The dining room table serves as my cutting table. It's an antique and I have to admit that the rotary cutter has slipped a few times (sorry Stephen). Because I usually have to drop whatever I'm working on the moment the little one wakes, my half completed projects stay on the table until the next free moment I have. We no longer eat supper at the table, but instead eat after the little one has gone to bed, sitting on the couch while watching a Netflix. Good, quality bonding I tell ya.

Stephen and I have discussed the fact that I really, really, desperately need my own space. A place to get away... just for a moment. To step outside the daily life that can sometimes drive a mama nutty. An escape. Ah, yes. Escape. A perfect word. So Stephen is hearing my plea for an escape and has agreed to turn over a little room in his woodworking shop. All for me. It will be a while, but I really can't wait.

And on a completely different note, a swap with a certain somebody had me digging around for this. I (a person afraid of heights) went up a ladder to reach the loft where this was tucked away in a box. Are you stumped yet Grace? This box brings me back to my days at Simmons where I visited the art store down the street daily. I became obsessed with charcoal and have quite a few finished pieces to prove it.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Making

My time to create has been so limited lately. Between being away, missed naps and getting ready for the long, cold season ahead, there hasn't been much time for me to spend behind the sewing machine. It's very frustrating at times because it's the one thing that tends to energize me, and that allows me to be a much happier mama. So there have been some not quite proud parenting moments, as I try to struggle with the fact that the little time I had to myself, is slowly disappearing.

But over the last couple of days, I've managed to finish two birthday gifts for my friend's little ones. Their birthdays are two weeks apart and I wanted to make them something personal that would last through the years.

The wool felt came from here and the ribbons are from a vintage selection I found online.

I embroidered the letter of their first name on each crown. I would love to sell these in my Etsy shop because I have such a fun time making them. Knowing that this is something a little one can treasure throughout their childhood makes them so special.

And something else I started before our trip last week...it will be up in the shop someday, I promise. I hope to add at least four outfits in the coming month. Anyone know a good mother's helper in the area??!

Home

We returned home one day short because of some sniffles and a runny nose. This is the first time the little one has been sick, so I'm not sure what to expect. I'm also not certain that it's actually anything but teething. The drool fountain, which stopped around month seven, has returned with full force and will soak a shirt in about 30 seconds.

Regardless of the above, we had a marvelous time with Grammie. We tried to stay sane with a week full of rainy weather and an antsy toddler waiting to go outdoors and ride her bike. We played a lot, read a lot and ate a lot. That seemed to do the trick, but we were ever so pleased when the sun arrived on Saturday.

While in Portland, I ventured into Edith and Edna for some Sublime Stitching patterns. I am always amazed by the things in that store. Such talented artists and oh so inspiring. I wanted to fill a bag with goodies to take home, but our budget just won't allow it. So a stitching pattern was my only purchase and I enjoyed the time walking around Portland (in the pouring rain) without the little one on my hip.

On Saturday we had a joint celebration of three birthdays: my mother's, and the birthday that my brother and I share. I made a gluten and dairy free cake and I must say that it was delicious. Even the gluten eating among us enjoyed every bite. It was my first bit of sugar after a two week diet of only agave nectar and maple syrup, and the fact that I had three pieces in one day sent my body into sugar shock. So now I am on the hunt for baking recipes where natural sweeteners work well. Any ideas?

That project I showed you a sneak peak of the other day will have to be revealed at a later date. I actually forgot to take a picture of the entire thing, and I can only say that it was a bag I made for my mother. My own design and definitely something I will be making more of for the shop. I also included this little zippered pouch that I made with the help of Amy's book. I wish I could have gotten the embroidery hoop marks off the corduroy, but even with much ironing, they didn't budge. If you're familiar with the book, I obviously altered the pattern a bit. I was surprised that the lining had to be hand sewn inside along the zipper. There has to be an easier way! Overall, it was a simple, quick project and made a very practical and stylish gift.

Much more tomorrow. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend! 

Busted

I'm still feeling under the weather. What is this now? Going on on seven days? I've never been sick in September. It's especially odd with the 80 degree weather we've been having. I will admit, I'm a tad bitter about being sick during my favorite season and having more hot and humid days. I'm not a fan of the summer and much prefer the coolness of autumn or growth of spring. For now, I will enjoy my hot chocolates in front of the air conditioner.

It's almost as if the trees recognized Mother Nature's last gift of a few more warm days and finally decided to let their greenness go. Tucked away on our little hill, we seem to be lagging in the foliage department, but a glance out the window this morning and it was clear we are starting to catch up.

Regardless of the days being filled with heat and humidity, we are gearing up for a long and cold winter ahead. For a family who heats only with wood, there is a lot of preparation. Stephen does most of the work, which I am extremely grateful for. He chops, he stacks, he lights the boiler, he keeps the fire going all day and relights it in the morning after the last log has finally burned. It's a tremendous amount of work and really has made us appreciate the warmth of home during those cold winter months.

And, a little someone found the Nikon yesterday and immediately dropped it. Thank goodness for UV filters. The 50mm was on at the time, and at first I panicked and thought the lens had shattered. But it was just the filter. I think I need to go thrifting soon for a cheap film camera as a decoy...

~Joy~

joy |joi| noun: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness

~The Fair~
Quite possibly the last hot day of summer. We walked around in the blazing sun for hours, taking in all of the goodness the fair has to offer. The animals were a tremendous hit with the little one. We had to pull her away from the cows at one point. We learned, we watched, we ate and we had a marvelous time.

~Fair Goodies~
A pumpkin and a wooden spoon for a little someone were our only treasures from the fair. She thinks the miniature pumpkin is wonderful and carries her spoon around with her "stirring" all day.

~The Drive Home~
A long, scenic drive past countless farms and trees that look on fire. Talking with Stephen while the wee one finally falls asleep. Eating french fries from the fair, while resting my bare feet on the dashboard and watching that autumn light slowly sinking lower in the distance.

~Fall~
Gathering leaves on our walk. Watching as the wind makes the ferns dance and the trees whisper. Stopping for a snuggle on the hammock to listen to birds and spotting a hawk flying above.

I am feeling a bit under the weather, my friends. I may be a little quiet until this passes. Happy Autumn to you!

Not Much

There's not much happening these past two days. We are mostly recovering from a hectic weekend, so I still haven't dragged my sewing machine out that I stashed in a corner for the party. I have a few slings to make, a new fall bag (for me!) to work on and some more pants to make for the little one.
So this post may be a bit scattered, but after being up until 2:30 this morning, (Elisabeth discovered some wheat crackers and cheese on the floor at the playgroup yesterday, hence the rough night) scattered is exactly how I am feeling.

Yesterday I watched as she excitedly made some "soup" in her new kitchen. She has also discovered the wooden knife and cutting board and finds it a joy to chop up the veggies. So we did a lot of this yesterday.

We spent some time outside exploring more of our yard. We brought our new book out with us to find some inspiration for what to collect for the nature table. We ended up finding a patch of ferns and picked some to  put in a vase. She is in the phase now where she wants to know the name of everything. So "fern" is our latest word.

And once a year I go through my closet, take everything out and get rid of many things. One would assume I would do this during "spring cleaning" but I've never gotten the urge to spring clean. I "fall clean." This is my time of renewal and cleansing. My wardrobe is already down to fitting in one drawer and one shelf. But I still have clothes I had in high school and have decided that it's time to really be wearing something I actually enjoy wearing. I've already set aside 5 shirts to be converted into pants for the babe.

And now, I'm back to entertaining a certain somebody who was up all night and still refuses to sleep today.

Two years ago

Two years ago I married the man I knew, without a doubt, was my soul mate. From the moment I first saw his c.d. collection, I knew it was true love. Miles Davis, Chet Baker and  Charlie Parker? What more could I ask for?

Our first anniversary was spent with me in bed and Stephen taking care of a one-day-old baby with my mother's generous help. This anniversary was spent with Stephen at work, but a quiet evening at home with pizza and a movie.

 

Happy Anniversary sweetie! I love you!

Please forgive the scans...they are the original, unedited versions (red eyes and all!) of the wonderful photos our photographer took.

The Little Things

It's been one of those challenging days of motherhood. It's on days like this where I have to step back for a moment and really center myself. I need to take time to notice the small things and forget about the big picture. I need to leave behind the dishes in the sink, the toys scattered across the floor, the dirty diapers waiting to be washed, the clothes needing to be put away, the baby who won't sleep and try to find the small things that make me happy. At first, this was hard. I didn't want to; it's almost as if I wanted to wallow in my own sorrow. But with practice, it has gotten easier. Much easier.

We walk past my favorite tree blooming and I smile.

On the way to the library I glance back and see the babe wearing her new linen pants I finished yesterday.

She finally sleeps.

I eat ice cream right out of the container at 1 p.m. in the afternoon. It was lunch and I have no guilt.

I wrap the presents I made for Elisabeth's birthday on Sunday and start thinking about the past year and how far we've come. Can she really be one already?

It's Friday and I am gearing up for some thrifting (alone!) tomorrow.

Happy Friday!

~Transitions~

transition |tranˈzi sh ən; -ˈsi sh ən| noun the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another


~Season~
It's not quite fall, yet no longer summer. The trees are green with hints of orange and red. The weather alternates between cool and breezy, and days where the humidity is so high you want to grab your towel and head to the beach. I'm anxious for the fall but sorry to see the summer pass so quickly.

~The Babe~
No longer a baby and transitioning into toddlerhood. So wonderful and fun to watch. This is my favorite stage yet. Where we spend the days outside exploring, collecting acorns and leaves, watching the grasshoppers dance across the grass and throwing sticks for the dog. Inside we read book after book, she watches closely as I bake muffins and runs to the window when Papa arrives home. I am anxious for what comes next and to see what wonderful ways she will continue to develop and grow, while being thankful for the moments we share presently.

~The Home~
Bringing bits of nature into our home is something we do everyday. Elisabeth loves to gather acorns, fallen leaves, sticks and flowers in her basket while we are out exploring the yard. We bring them inside and place them on our nature table or on the windowsills. I often find acorns in the middle of the living room floor and leaves in her mouth (just to taste) and am reminded that while we are tucked inside our little home, there is something bigger and quite marvelous just outside our door.

~The Family~
We are still transitioning from our family of two, to a family of three. The transition has been challenging, mostly due to the hardships of the first 7 months of Elisabeth's life. We are finally settling into our lives together and enjoying the time we spend as a family. I am excited to watch us grow and to see how we change as the years pass.

~The Blog~
A new blog for a new phase. I am not quite sure where this blog will lead me. A little crafting, a little parenting, a little life...it's not just about any of these things, but about my life as a whole. My life is forever changing and growing, so I'm sure this blog will be doing a little of that too.

Free Sling Giveaway

To celebrate the beginnings of a new blog, my little one's first birthday on Sunday, our anniversary the day after that and my birthday a week after that (wow...that's a lot!) I am giving two lucky readers a FREE sling! That's right...two readers could walk away with a free Bluebird.

All you have to do is leave a comment and the winners will be drawn tomorrow morning. I would be especially grateful if any of you reading knew of someone who really needed a sling, but couldn't afford one and told them about my little contest :)

So leave a comment, tell your friends and check back tomorrow morning for the winners!

Expectations

Taking a self-portrait with a very large and heavy camera is quite challenging. This was the best I could do, arm outstretched below us while Elisabeth hung out in her favorite spot as of late.

We spent most of yesterday outside, doing exactly this. I would put her down, she'd walk for a few minutes and then request to be on her favorite hip again.

We came inside, only to do the same thing. There was no sewing or crafting yesterday. Nothing to get my creative energy out, except for starting and designing this Typepad blog. And at the end of the day I felt rather empty, like I had accomplished nothing.

I looked at all the material strewn about on the table, the projects that have been started but not worked on, the mountains of sling fabric waiting to be cut and ironed and felt a tinge of guilt. Guilt from the pressure I put on myself to get things done quickly, to make sure they are perfect and when I don't seem to meet my expectations, I carry tha